Would you believe?

    

Would you believe:

 

 H How many giant SUV’s are sporting American flag and “United We Stand” decals?  As if a bumper sticker somehow makes our nation more secure than would lessening our need for foreign oil.

 

H  That I heard a football color commentator say Joe Montana was a better quarterback than Johnny Unitas?

 

H That if you weren’t hoping for a baseball strike, you’re not a Red Sox fan.

 

H That there are about 50 people in the country who know everything?  The same “experts” appear on all the news shows and I’ve never heard one of them say, “I don’t know.”

 

H That you can’t find a shopping cart at Home Depot that doesn’t have something broken on it?

 

H That even though most people recognize lawsuits have gotten way out of hand, Congress hasn’t done anything about it?

 

H That trial lawyers always rank near the top on the list of political contributors?

 

 H That Congress somehow found the time to investigate Martha Stewart? 

 

H That none of the people who live on my street agree with me that we should change its name from Bailey Avenue to George Bailey Avenue?

 

H That includes my wife, who has never seen “It’s a Wonderful Life?”

 

H That Cadillac is introducing a new $75,000 convertible?

 

H That it would be nice if the best cars on the road were American?

 

H That if you gave the Girl Scout selling cookies five bucks, her troop would get as much money as if you bought a dozen boxes?

 

H That it’s more or less the same deal for any of the stuff they send kids out to sell?

 

H How many people think it’s okay to yak on a cell phone in a restaurant?

 

H How often you let someone into traffic and you don’t get “the wave” in return?

 

H That beer commercials seem to get more stupid every year?

 

H That the : - ) just turned 20 years old?

 

H That when I was a kid I would get new sneakers once a year and wear them every day?  Now the ones I buy last six months and I wear them once or twice a week.

 

H That the last time I bought a television set, I thought it crucial to have the picture-in-a picture gizmo?  I’ve never used it.

 

H That kids are wearing bellbottoms?  I’ve got to look for my Nehru jacket and peace medallion.

 

H That they’ve never made a better television show than “Leave it to Beaver?”

 

H That when people say “we need to do something” about this or that, they really mean someone else should do it?

 

H That there are people whose vocation it is to think about stuff like this?

 

September21, 2002

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